Umm I'm too high to move.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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