been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
