I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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