you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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