Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I will be naked everywhere
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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