about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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