I think I won the penis lottery.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
