It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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