her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
