he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
