I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
