I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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