I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
