What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
