He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
