if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
