Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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