on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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