I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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