hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
