Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Be still, my beating vagina.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm getting married
To pizza
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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