I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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