No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
