We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
