She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
