Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Randomize
