Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
