genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
She's the barista slut.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Randomize
