You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
