Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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