I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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