I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Randomize
