Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
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