Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
