If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
