I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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