Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize