We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
It's shark week go big or go home
Randomize