Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I love you. Go after that dick
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
