Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
