At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
