so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
