he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
