Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
