peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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