He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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