My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
