My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
