my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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