It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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