p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize