i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
