dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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