OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
