I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
My liver is preforming stress tests.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
