The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
