youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
