How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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