we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
