So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
