I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
So much rum. So many feels.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
True strength comes from lack of pants
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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