i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize