Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize