you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
