About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
