she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
