You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize