We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize