Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize