Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
