omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
