Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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