Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
