i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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