I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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